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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Fresh Air!

*deep breath of fresh air*  Well, it is nice to be back!  It's nice to breathe again.  I've got to look back and see when my nosedive started, and see how long I kept spiraling toward the ground before pulling up.  I do like roller coasters, but I'm getting really tired of this one - the one that is my life when I live by sight and not by faith.  Or when I'm premenstrual or menopausal, whichever this is.  This plummet wasn't begun by any event, and neither was my pulling out of it.  So I'm trying to figure out what physical factor, if any, plays a part in my ups and downs.  Cycle?  Diet?   It is really frustrating - when I am covered up in my little cloud of despondency I am of absolutely no use to myself, my family, or society in general, not to mention my Father.
I am up 4.1 pounds from my "low" of 216.1 (I know - sad, right?  That 216.1 would be a "low" for anybody!!  But it's better than where I started, and it's better even than where I am right now).  So I have some recovery to make before I can progress.  Charming Charlies is just waiting... with all that gorgeous turquoise and royal blue and pink and yellow and orange - colors of summer at the beach!   And I want to get to that next level, and compare measurements and photos with the ones I already have.  Plus I get a haircut when I reach the next "10" - but now I have 12.7 pounds to lose before I get there, to make up for what I've gained back since losing the first ten.  (I lost 1.4 pounds more after the first ten, before I started going in the wrong direction).
So today, I am starting out by avoiding the cinnamon rolls I made for the kids' breakfast, and having a bowl of somewhat-healthy cereal instead, with my usual cup (or two) of coffee, and water.  Over the weekend, I drank Cokes, and sweet tea, and ate all kinds of fattening things.  And it didn't make me feel any better!  It just made me fatter!  Which actually made me feel worse.  I don't know if the relatively small amount I've lost made any difference, but I did sleep better than I have the past several nights, when I was eating right.  That is more powerful motivation than Charming Charlies.  And the fact that I'm being a terrible steward with all God has blessed me with, by letting myself get heavier and unhealthier.  That should motivate me the most, and if it doesn't, I need to re-evaluate my priorities.  All of my fears for the future (that definitely play a part in my depression) can be laid to rest when I am living in obedience to God.  He has always taken care of me!  Why should I doubt Him?  He is always faithful, never changing.  Very unlike people.  I want to be more like Him.  I want to be faithful, and unchanging (at least as far as a mortal body can be - I mean, I am getting older - nothing I can do about that!).  So I'm going to seek His help, and (try to) live in the light of His countenance, and He will help.  I can't do it without Him.

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